When’s the last time you sat with yourself and asked the kind of questions that cut through the noise?

Not the questions about your to-do list, your inbox, or even your goals.

I’m talking about the questions that make you pause. That reveal the quiet patterns you've normalized. The ones that expose how far you've drifted from the version of yourself you say you want to be.

This week, I shared an episode of Having It A.L.L. that goes deep into that territory—and today, I want to give you the full experience, right here in this email.

It’s called Stop Drifting—The 5 W’s That Realign Your Life, and it’s not a clever gimmick.

It’s a framework for looking in the mirror without flinching—and using what you see to realign your life, one choice at a time.

Let’s walk through it together.

1. Who

Who do you spend most of your time with, and what kind of energy do they bring into your life?

Not in theory. In practice.

You don’t need to justify anyone here—not your family, not your spouse, not the childhood friend you’ve outgrown but still cling to out of guilt or obligation.

Just look.

Who gets the most access to your attention, your energy, your trust?

Do those people challenge you, stretch you, and remind you of your power… or do they drain you, subtly reinforce your limitations, and keep you anchored in a version of yourself that you’re trying to grow beyond?

Sometimes the hardest work in healing is acknowledging that love and proximity are not the same thing—and that protecting your peace may require holding standards and creating space from people you care about.

2. What

What are you working on—really?

What are you building with your time, your choices, your thoughts?
What do you consume through your eyes, your ears, your routines?
What games are you playing, and what games are you winning?

Most of us are running scripts so ingrained we no longer realize we’ve chosen them.
We’re winning at things we never meant to play for: being the overfunctioner, the self-sabotager, the martyr, the critic, the rescuer, the performer.

This is your moment to slow down and look at what you’ve actually committed to.
Because every day, with every action, you are casting a vote for the kind of life you will live—and the kind of person you will become.

3. When

When do you show up for yourself? When do you rest? When do you leap? When do you pause long enough to ask if the path you're walking is even the one you chose?

For many, the answer is rarely.

We sprint through life hoping clarity will catch up, waiting for a sign to force our hand, ignoring the whisper until it becomes a crisis.

But there is no perfect moment. There is only the one you claim.

That leap you’ve been avoiding? That hard conversation, that new direction, that first step into unknown terrain?

It’s not going to feel safe. It’s going to feel like jumping with no net.

But as Steve Harvey said in the video that inspired one of my previous episodes—sometimes, you have to jump and trust that your gifts will catch you.

4. Why

Why are you doing what you’re doing? Why do you keep pushing, pleasing, achieving, striving?

If your “why” is wrapped in proving, surviving, or earning worth—you’ll always feel exhausted and incomplete.

But if it’s rooted in something greater—something principle-centered and heart-connected—then your actions will begin to feel less like pressure and more like purpose.

Most people never slow down long enough to answer this honestly. They chase a finish line they didn’t choose, driven by stories they never questioned. This question—this why—is your invitation to stop the autopilot and chart a path that actually belongs to you.

5. Where

Where are you headed?

Not metaphorically. Literally.

Where is the current trajectory of your habits, your thoughts, your environment taking you?

It’s one thing to dream of peace, alignment, presence, intimacy, freedom. It’s another to look at your daily choices and acknowledge they’re leading you somewhere else entirely.

So be brave enough to ask: Where will I land if I keep going this way? And is that where I want to end up?

From there, you can get even more specific: Where do I want to be in my faith, in my family, with my friends? Where do I want to be with my fitness, my finances, and my fun?

This is the core of the Having It A.L.L. philosophy—not surface-level success, but experiencing abundance and love in every area of your life.

Not someday. Not once the chaos calms down. But NOW. Through conscious choices, daily practice, and loving commitment.

These five questions—Who, What, When, Why, and Where—are not magic.

They don’t work unless you do.

But if you create the space to ask them with honesty, and if you have the courage to sit with whatever arises, they will reveal the gap between who you’re being and who you’re becoming.

That’s where transformation begins.

So here’s your challenge:

1. Block off 15 minutes this week. No distractions.
2. Pick one W. Ask the question. Listen for the answer.
3. Then pick another tomorrow and repeat.

If this exercise brought something to the surface—like the weight of misaligned living or the tug of untapped potential—listen to it. That’s your next step speaking.

Your next breakthrough isn’t in another book, another podcast, or another plan. It’s in your willingness to look at your life, right now, and choose something different.

With you in the work,

Matthew Bivens

​

​

​

​

​
​